Joanna Exercises the Courage to Pause

Why Sabbatical? – Getting off the hamster wheel

“It’s my life
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive”

After I had turned 40, there was a growing tension in me that something isn’t quite right with my life. I did not have a spectacular professional career, permanent relationship, or children. I was working in a big company, doing a stable job with no sense of purpose whatsoever. On the surface, I did not have huge reasons to complain: I had my own flat, stable income, solid savings, and I was healthy and fit. I was sharing my free time with my family of origin, friends, and I liked to travel and attend cultural events. Yet, there was something missing and itching badly. You may call it a mid-life crisis, and you may be right.

I just did not feel any sense in me earning the money, spending/saving the money, and living purposeless for the rest of my life. For the first time in my life, I dared to step out of the comfort zone of a safe but mediocre life and enrolled in a music school. For the first time in my life, I started an education that was in sync with what I felt inside. The majority of my classmates were much younger, and I felt a bit like a dinosaur among them. Nevertheless, I continued the education that was meant to last two years.

After a second semester, I started to sense that the dissonance I sensed between my professional life and artistic pursuit was more and more disturbing. On top of that, having to attend the evening classes resulted in me being more tired than happy. I got promoted in my day job, got a pay raise, and had to be a boss of my former peers. That did not feel comfortable, and I could not handle it well. I felt all the symptoms of burnout — literally, nothing was bringing me joy. Even a hobby of mine, music and acting, felt more like another duty to fulfill, like having an extra weight on my shoulders, and did not fill me with joy. I was planning to look for another job, but soon realized that undertaking a new job in a new company would mean even more effort. An effort I could not energetically afford.

So I decided to quit my day job and give myself some time to recover, reinvent myself, and look for a new concept for my life. The last three months of my employment were like a marathon. I was organizing a handover, looking for my successor, and trying to please everyone else but not myself. That cost me a lot of energy. When I finally got out of the company, I felt like I jumped out of the training at full speed. I started my sabbatical with an 8-day long Ignatian retreat in full silence since I was completely lost and super tired.

I was financially prepared for a year without income, but it was the first time in my life since I graduated that I was unemployed, which was extremely frightening. The word itself is so pejorative, and I perceived that it was me being selfish and lazy. I tried to convince myself that I deserve a break — I had no gap year or maternity leave so far, and I can support myself financially and enjoy life without having to have a 9-to-5 job for a little while. Facts were supporting me, but my emotions — not at all. After 2-3 months, I managed to decompress and slowly started to enjoy life again.

I started to practice more sports and prepare myself for a diploma concert and theater show we organized to accomplish our education. It turned out that sport plays a huge role in the vocalist/actress career; you just need to be in good shape! Suddenly, I had this syndrome that retired people often talk about: they have no job and have no time, as life unfolds with too many interesting and fascinating things to do. I regretted that a day only has 24 hours. I have experienced it too.

Once I was done with both shows, I felt like a carefree child that could explore. It is worth mentioning that I suffer from PTSD syndrome, and my childhood was far from happy. I was never given the right to explore, make mistakes, and needed to enforce this right in my adult life so I could really give this existence a meaning and a flavor. It felt like a rebirth, but still, I was not sharing my life concept with many people.

The idea of a sabbatical is not well perceived in countries where the economy has some challenges and where consumerism is becoming the only right way of living. People look at you in a judgmental way and give their own sentences: either you have to be super rich, lazy, or simply crazy to risk a good job with a decent salary to live some sort of bohemian life, with no alarm clock telling you when to get up and no boss telling you what needs to be done on a given day.

So I spent some time in the summer with my family, was able to enjoy the beautiful weather without having to take some expensive vacations where I had to compress all the pleasures. My pleasure was the freedom and being able to choose what I wanted to do and when, without having to spend much money. Finally, I had time to visit some members of my family I hadn’t seen for years and reconnect with friends. After the summer was over, I started to figure out what I need to do further to ensure steady income but also keep my artistic side of me alive. I decided to register with filmmaking agencies, revamped my CV and LinkedIn profile.

I was a bit afraid of how I was going to explain my gap year and how that would be perceived. Luckily, I managed to find a job in a company that was appealing to me, and in a role that can be implemented in every company and in everyday life.

I would like to share with you all the things I managed to accomplish during this sabbatical year (to be precise, 14 months) in different aspects of life and also the things I was not too happy about.

What Went Well:

Body, Mind, Spirit

• Going to the gym + sauna regularly and including strength training, important for 40+ women
• Trying out new sports: ice-skating, ice-swimming, kick-boxing, self-defense
• Dance classes: bachata for couples and ladies styling, ballroom dancing (beginners), discofox (advanced)
• Continuation of swimming classes for adults
• More frequent cycling (including one-off mountain cycling), bike maintenance and upgrade
• Health checks (dental, gynecological, overall health screening, vitamin-mineral supplementation)
• Implementing Kobido massage and rejuvenation treatments
• Intermittent fasting (16/8) and/or OMAD, and losing 4kg after summertime
• Taking part in group therapy and switching to individual sessions once the group program was over
• Participating in Ignatian retreat (8 days filled with full silence and Bible study), extreme way of the cross (42 km at night), 5-day walking pilgrimage to Jasna Góra with Jesuits

Relationships, Family, Friends, Travel

• Having my very first live gig and inviting friends from all walks of life, including a friend who came over from abroad to see me live on stage
• Having my mum and two sisters visit me in Krakow for an extended weekend: visiting Auschwitz for the first time, learning to bake the Kraków bagel, visiting Krakow on bikes
• Three weeks at my family home: visiting members of my family I haven’t seen for years, and getting some information for creating the family tree, visiting the Miedzyrzecz fortified region, swimming in lakes
• Birthday surprise for my sister that turned 30 and visiting her abroad
• Mushroom foraging for the first time in years and learning to cook new dishes
• Visiting a friend in Gdansk: invisible Gdansk exhibition organized by blind people, the Sopot pier at night and in winter, Kaszuby area, three-city beaches
• Visiting an old friend who lives in beautiful Warmia area with stunning lakes
• Visiting Torun – city of Copernicus and gingerbread
• Visiting an old friend in Warsaw
• Unexpectedly reconnecting with an old friend I had a conflict with and repairing the relationship
• Researching narcissistic behaviors and manipulations (love bombing, silent treatment, gaslighting, breadcrumbing) in the live example of two romantic relationships
• Learning about men’s psychology from various blogs and YouTube channels (especially Matthew Hussey)

Career, Finances, Housing, Fashion

• Participating in investor and business events in Warsaw, Kraków, and Karpacz (Karkonosze Mountains)
• Reactivating the expenses tracking
• Opening accounts in two additional banks in different currencies
• Buying a refurbished post-lease laptop at a bargain price
• Being entitled to benefits for a couple of months and free health insurance
• Getting a new passport that expired a few years ago
• Starting volunteering for homeless people (preparing food, gifts for donors, fundraising, etc.)
• Winning a suitcase, watch, and bracelet in the lottery organized by the charity I volunteer at
• Home improvements: buying a hair dryer with cold air, steam iron, additional set of dinnerware and silverware, new TV set; setting up the balcony garden: plants, hammock, wicker mat; multiple home repairs, pictures/poster hanging
• Updating CV and LinkedIn profile, creating a video resume in Canva
• Analyzing my professional life and Gallup talents that could support my growth
• Updating my wardrobe: buying leather trousers, new summer dress, new leather bag; getting clothes fixed and visiting a bra fitter

Hobby, Pleasures, Culture, Art

• Graduating from the music school, giving my diploma solo gig and playing the main role in the theater show
• Co-organizing a film music concert with friends (script, scenography promotion)
• Registering at the filmmaking agencies
• Playing an episode role in a popular TV series
• Organizing a professional photo session (incl. stylist and makeup artist)
• Recording two cover songs in a professional studio
• Growing my YouTube channel
• Setting up a mini home recording studio (purchasing condenser microphone/pop filter, acoustic screen, music stand, installing DAW software)
• Individual guitar lessons
• Individual post-diploma vocal coaching (after diploma)
• Going to multiple music gigs and theater shows
• Visiting CZartoryski Museum and contemplating Da Vinci’s “Lady with an Ermine” painting
• Being a model for art school
• Rereading: The Artist’s Way (J. Cameron), Designing Your Life (B. Burnett, D. Evans), Influence (R. Cialdini)

What Went Wrong

• Insufficient financial control, which could have resulted in unnecessary overspending
• Too much coffee, beer, and sweets
• Too little home-cooked meals and lack of variety in the diet
• Period of creative stagnation after graduating from art school and a blurred vision of what role art should play in my life
• Too fast engaging in various relationships without setting healthy boundaries
• Insufficient self-awareness and too much people-pleasing
• Poor time management and planning
• Poor sleep quality (extensive screen time in the evening, too high caffeine & alcohol intake)
• Feeling guilty of having “too much” free time
• Relationship with some family members and an old friend that most likely cannot be repaired
• Lack of a spiritual guide/permanent confessor (despite attempts to find one)
• Lack of a huge life transformation being an aftermath of the sabbatical year that I had counted on

What catalyzed your sabbatical?
Someone you knew took one, negative event (death of a loved one, health/burnout, job loss, etc.)

How long was your sabbatical (in weeks)?
56

How would you rate the experience of taking a sabbatical?
5 — One of the best times of my life

What were you most concerned about when contemplating a sabbatical?
Money – it’ll cost too much!
Optics – what will colleagues, friends, and family think of me?!

How likely are you to recommend taking a sabbatical to someone?
5 — Very likely

Did HOW you work change at all, post-sabbatical?
No major change

What kind of work did you return to?
Different company, similar role

Describe any changes you made in your life post-sabbatical:
N/A

How did your sabbatical experience change the way you thought about your employer?
I think it would be better to have the opportunity to keep your job in an old company than to search for a new employer, which gave me big discomfort and spoiled the end of the sabbatical year by having to look for a new job.

Why do you think others should (or shouldn’t) take sabbaticals? Are there occasions in life where it’s particularly helpful?
Death of a close person, burnout, company reorganization and layoffs, raising a child

You can check out Joanna’s YouTube channel here.